And, I Don't Want To Look Back! More than three weeks ago, after serious consideration I made an important decision. My story is no different than so many other people. But, I must say that I have put my heart and soul into a relationship that looked very promising at the onset. First off, meeting at church seemed like a good start! Soon after, Love Is (Was) In The Air. But, soon the love disintegrated before my eyes while we were on a Foreign Travel vacation! I believe it is so true that most of the time "The BEST predictor of FUTURE behavior is PAST behavior". And, abusive behavior is unacceptable.
The next chapters in this drama are nothing new or different from many troubled relationships of human dynamics. Simply put, this has been - dysfunction - dysfunction - and more dysfunction! I am not a quitter, BUT, two years is long enough and there was nothing more I could do to bring sanity to the situation. Sadly, I was quickly losing my health. And, you can't put a price on health. God was speaking "loudly" to me. And, he got my attention!
I have diligently worked throughout the past many years to be the best that I can be. And, striving to live an authentic life takes courage and honesty. Two guiding words regarding life that I find very important are OPEN and HONEST. And, I expect that quality in a partner. I verbalized the importance of these two words from the very beginning.
So, now I look toward the future and thank God for the positive aspects of the past two years, because there were many. And, I wish the best and blessings for him and his family. When two people are not good for each other - - - MOVE ON.
I will always be a work in progress and I clearly have more personal growth to pursue. Nearly a year and a half ago, on September 10, 2010, I posted the following entry and I believe it is relevant again today.
What Is The Lesson I Am To Learn
"Life has never been easy - and probably isn't for most of us. Why would I accept a life situation that can only create stress and disappointment? This could possibly be a universal question for a lot of people in this world. But, right now, it is my question to MYSELF. I had high hopes that this new relationship would be a HEALTHY relationship! I thought I was being cautious when this new chapter started in my life. But, it looks like I have only revisited some previous familiar issues that I thought I had learned lessons from. However, I was truly blind-sighted. But wait, I have learned a lot and because of that I am able to move forward with strength and balance that I have not always had in the past. The realization that there are some issues that just can not be resolved to an acceptable level is a difficult position to be in. But, it looks like the time has come for me to wake up and accept reality. During the past seven months I have had plenty of time to experience and assess the changes in my life as the result of having this man in my life. With the review of the pros and cons (written on paper) it is very clear to me what the best next step for me will be. I have been loving, patient, kind, supportive and understanding with this man. But, there comes a time when "band aid therapy" is not the answer and the GORILLA is still sitting in the middle of the room. And, the gorilla is as simple to see as this - - - -
I can not say anything - to any of you that have experienced alcoholism in the people close to you - that you don't already know. There is no point in giving specifics. The latest disturbing behavior from this man would not shock many of you. But, I thought it was "way over the top". I do not think very many families are totally void of addiction of one kind or another. My ex-husband who I had ten wonderful family years with before he became an active alcoholic (died at age 47 of alcoholic toxicity) and my son is an alcoholic and not in Recovery.I have strived and succeeded at living a fulfilling, happy and mentally healthy life with joy and friends and I do not choose to live my life with alcoholism in my home and life. With the support of friends and some new friends I know I will be just fine. The days ahead will be difficult but I will live one day at a time and with my glass "Half Full". If you believe in prayer, I would appreciate your prayers for all concerned."
Life is good! And will get better when he accepts that we are no longer together. I may have to take legal actions if he doesn't start to come to reality and leave me alone. As I have noted in this blog, my health has been very negatively effected by being in such a "toxic relationship". The harassment is interfering with my health improving and I am anxious to get well.
I am happy to be back in blogland and look forward to sharing the joys in my life along with projects that I anticipate having time to pursue. I have continued to enjoy your blogs and found inspiration from many, and especially 45 Lessons Life Taught Me. And, then Plus 5. Thank you!
I wish you a Fabulous Day.
