It Has Stayed With Me

And, never stopped blooming through the very cold days. It was so nice to look out to the patio table and see it continuing to delight me. It is interesting and so wonderful that the Cyclamen has been blooming since last May 2014 when I purchased the plant at the grocery store.

Isn't it looking beautiful and healthy?

The sun is shining and  my patio is clean. Filled five trash barrels with leaves, pine needles and twigs and branches. I like it when it is tidy! Now, just if my indoors looked like that, I would like that too!

I hope your week is going well.

Mary

What A Difference A Week Can Make

It was just around a week ago that I was so ill and confused that I wasn't making much sense most of the time. I will never forget going to the gas station because my gas tank was showing the empty warning. I wanted to drive myself to the Grief Share meeting the next evening which was only four miles from home. Well, anyway about a week ago when I went to get the gas I was not able to do the simple activity that I have probably done hundreds or more times. My brain was so scrambled in that a good person nearby observed and offered to help me. I was so appreciative! And, then I headed home which was very nearby.  My blood pressure was still in the "danger-danger zone" at 172/107.

Today, is a really nice day. My blood pressure this AM is 139/88 and has been in the normal range for a few days and I am starting to feel like the self that I know. I am continuing to closely monitor my BP readings and my current medication dosages.  I am so Happy and Grateful with this very noticeable improvement

My response and recovery with the Grief process is going so much better. And, I will be going to my weekly Grief Share meeting. The weekend was good but I still have to limit what I do and where I go. I have been able to start to take care of lots of things here at home, like sorting stuff and organizing. And, very short periods of time in the yard. You know those leaves keep falling! But, I can't do anything to demanding. Friends have been so very helpful with their emotional support and offers of help.

My heart and body are filling with peace. Progress - but a long way to go. I am beginning to think "You can't keep an ol" gal down for very long".

I am hoping to start planning with others, A Tribute To The Memory of my friend at our church for our little community and church family. More on that as it evolves.

This little sign hung in Bud's home office!

I would like to share a little poem that I recently came across in my continual search that is driven by my intense curiosity about most every thing.

Gone Fishing 
I've finished life's chores assigned to me
So put me on a boat headed out to see
Please send along my fishing pole
For I've been invited to the fishin' hole

Where every day is a day to fish
To fill your heart with every wish
Don't worry, or feel sad for me
I'm fishing' with the Master of the sea

We will miss each other for awhile
But you will come and bring your smile
That won't be long you will see
Till we're together you and me

To all of those that think of me
Be happy as I go out to sea
If others wonder why I'm missin'
Just tell 'em I've gone fishin'
                       by Dalmar Pepper

2011-2013

A Tired Happy Fisherman - Not bad for 85 - yes, that is years!

Wishing you a Warm and Cozy Day - especially if your weather conditions are harsh!

Mary

What Does Nursing Have To Do With It

Spending so much time at the hospital lately reminded me of so many of my nurse life experiences. And, importantly, it certainly helped me to be the best I could be, especially when "my nurse mode kicked in" at times that were extremely difficult with damaged family dynamics and unwanted outsider involvement which my friend chose to ask to "graciously bow out and leave". However, the presence of a spiritual advisor from our church was fabulous. Together we were able to "calm the waters" with God's guidance.

I am so blessed to have had my past nurse life experiences and the support of others!  

*Written during prior week* My emotions are still very raw and I am very sad, feeling alone and devastated. I am trying to put as many pleasant memories in my thinking as possible. But at the same time I am trying to be patient with myself. It seems that I have had so very many losses in my life. At the present time my lovely Granddaughter and family are the only family that are involved in my life*.

But, there is great joy in my heart that my friend was able to make peace with his life and behaviors through the guidance of our Church Pastor-Spiritual Advisor.

Blessings.

Mary

What's Happening

Every day is so different from the other. But, the last two days have been good for several reasons. First of all, I think I am getting my blood pressure under control. Last week when I went to urgent care clinic, I was advised that I should go to my Primary Care Doctor.  Wouldn't you know it, at the time of my visit, my blood pressure was normal. However, for the past two months my blood pressure has continually floated around 200/100. My BP monitor records the readings. Needless to say, it has caused me to feel very very ill, especially with all the recent stress. However, I am very blessed to not have had a stroke, especially considering all of the care and support I was providing for my friend prior to his passing! 

For years when I go to the doctor for erratic BP they order a new medication (usually expensive) and reschedule me to return in 30 days. It has been like running in circles and my bank account can not be stretched any further.

So, recently I have studied a lot of the details about the five BP medications currently prescribed for me. And I monitor my BP morning, noon and bedtime, more often if I think necessary. I have made medication adjustments (increased) on some of the current medications and so far I am doing much better. At present time (7 PM) my BP is 145/80-pulse 68. Hope and pray this trend will continue. I have appointment scheduled with Primary Care Doctor to review new lab work and clinical status.

Importantly, I started a new activity on Tuesday evenings. The first meeting of an eight week Grief Recovery Support Group sponsored by Griefshare International started this week. And, it is only four miles from my home. I was very impressed and believe I will benefit greatly by attending.

My church has been providing me with cooked meals as needed and the food has been wonderful. It really is a help when you are not hungry and absolutely everything is too much effort because of weakness and sadness.

But, LOOK, I cooked soup today! Lots of chopping and sauteing. I made a similar Tomato and Bean Soup for us in November for supper.

The kitchen may not get cleaned for a day or two. Oh well!

Take Good Care Of Yourself And Others.

Mary

Positive Thoughts

My plans for today were to go to church and enjoy “A Grass-Fed Gospel” by Rev. Dr. John Randlett who is leading the worship this week with a wonderful complement of musicians with a Bluegrass Service.

However, that won't be happening because a couple medical issues are prohibiting it. My right lumbar back is very troublesome (it is usually the left side) and Blood Pressure of 185/119 which explains my "fuzzy thinking" this AM and lack of desire to be around anything except quiet music! I have been working especially hard lately to monitor and control this chronic idiopathic hypertension. So, this is disappointing. Went to clinic last Wednesday. More on that and grief recover status later. That's about it for now. I must lie down. Prayers welcome.

Blessings,

Mary

It Is Sunday - - - Again

And, I don't have much to blog about. So, I am going to take a break until I have recovered a little more from the recent losses in my life. I may stop by with an affirmation from time to time.

Blessings.

Mary

It Is Sunday

Have a Wonderful Day.

Mary

  

Sweet Surprise

The last time I went to my knitting group to work on Prayer Shawls I was surprised with a gift of a Paperwhites Narcissus Bulb that was just about to open. In two days the delicate white petals popped open! What perfect timing and so very nice! I really like the simplicity of the design. The star vase and rocks are a nice touch.

When I gifted  my friend with a coffee cake a couple weeks back I included a card that simply said "Just Because". When she handed me this little surprise she whispered in my ear "Just Because". Aren't friends great?


I am feeling very slow today. So, I will again say Happy New Year.

Mary

New Beginnings

I don't think there are very many people that are more happy than I am to be starting a New Year. At least that is what I am thinking at the moment.

- - - - - Even though today has been filled with very highs and very lows associated with the events of the past few days. I am a person that strongly desires harmony and as little conflict in life as possible. Unfortunately, I have been on the receiving end of behaviors and words that are despicable and so preposterous that it leaves my head spinning. I ask for nothing and I really mean nothing - but PEACE.  Just leave me alone to grieve and to have compassion for those who seek less than honorable behaviors and words! Materialism is NOT my game! Please love one another!

My friends (near and far) and the phone have been a tremendous blessing and comfort for me today. THANK YOU - THANK YOU - THANK YOU.

And, I thank God for the strength I have been given to endure the disrespectful and horrendous situation at hand.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL.  Tomorrow is a new and beautiful day!

Mary